I’ve spent the last decade struggling to re-build my life and replace the things that I lost to my divorce. But how ever hard I may try, I know I will never be able to play the role of my daughter’s dad. I will always be called a single mom.
Another father’s day has gone and so has one of those days in my life which remind me of my incomplete family. A doting father has been missing from the majority of my daughter’s life and from our family photo that hangs on my bedroom wall. But 10 years ago, when I asked my husband what will happen to our 4 year old daughter after our divorce, all he said was,”That’s your look out”.
It has been a long journey from that day and my story is no different from any other girl who grew up in the 90s. Ours was a modest Indian household with two children. I was the older one. I didn’t excel in school but got average grades and still dreamed of being a doctor like my dad. My parents thought otherwise. They believed that getting married on time was more important than holding a professional degree.
“You need to be really good at studies to become a doctor”. Mom would always tell me.
By the time I finished my graduation, my parents had already shortlisted a suitable boy for me.“The boy is an engineer and belongs to a well-to-do family. He will keep you happy”. They said, but I said nothing.
But contrary to what my parents predicted, I was not happy. “That is your house now and you need to adjust, things will get better” mom would say. I kept trying. Until one fine day I received the divorce papers from my husband. I was rejected, by someone whom I once called a life partner.
My transition from a mom to becoming a single mother still remains as one of the biggest life changing events for me and taught me some of my life’s best lessons.
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1. I learnt to make myself be heard: I lived in a small town where divorce is still considered a taboo.When close family and friends did not stand by my side, the need to provide the best for my 4 year old daughter inspired me to stand alone and fight my divorce.
2.I learnt to forgive myself : I often felt guilty for not being able to make my marriage work and blamed myself for taking away a father from my daughter’s life. That’s when I realised that to become a good parent I needed to first heal my mind and heart and in spirituality I was able to heal myself. Once I found inner peace, I knew what I had to do.
3.I learnt that it is never too late to follow your dreams : I had to be financially stable to make sure my daughter got the best education, and I knew it was the right time to revive my childhood dream. I decided to pursue medicine as a career. Well, leaving my daughter back home with my mom and getting back to studies after such a long break was not easy but today I am a doctor and I am proud of it.
4. I learnt to take charge of my happiness: My achievement in my professional career helped me prove all those people wrong, who thought that I was weak as a woman and needed someone else to bring happiness in my life.
5.I learnt that teaching my daughter to become independent, is the best I can do for her as a parent: Voicing my opinions, believing that I was competent and capable to take care of myself are some of my life’s most important lessons that I learnt the hard way, but I am glad my daughter is getting to experience and develop these qualities very early in her life.
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Mansi Zaveri
Mansi Zaveri
KSP Team
KSP Team
Riddhi Bhalla
KSP Team
