You’re taking your kid out on a Saturday afternoon to the park. You could well be sitting on a couch, drinking a beer and watching your favourite TV show or sport instead. Yet, here you are in the park chasing after your hyperactive kid, making sure he doesn’t hurt himself in the process. Sound like something a lot of you dads don’t want to be doing on a Saturday…? Sure – there are times I wonder about these things too…. You’re a dad after all; it is probably built into your genetic code somewhere to be lazy… as a dad, your prefix to dad is probably lazy… it is built into you to want to drink beer, and watch TV… and do nothing! This should all come naturally to you, as may some of the following thoughts:
“What am I doing here?”
Probably the wrong question to be asking, you know; if you don’t know what you’re doing there, then there’s a serious issue there. Or you’re just too tired or forgetful to remember that you are a 50% partner in this new joint venture called a child and it is as much your responsibility as your partner’s to take care of this little one… and that means giving up on that cricket game, which you know India is going to win anyway! Ha!
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“How long is this going to last for?”
Were you thinking the same thought when you were having all the fun producing this baby…? It didn’t seem so bad then, right? I bet you weren’t wondering how long that would last then… on the contrary, you were hoping it would last as long as possible, right? Then, how come suddenly this feels so burdensome now that you have to count every passing second. Just like you enjoyed the experience of producing this little thing, now, enjoy the experience of bringing him/her up
“Why isn’t his mom taking care of him… so I can take a nap [put your favourite thing to do here instead]?”
Well, mom is doing exactly that. Were you thinking of her when she was running around the little fellow all week? All she asked for was some time to herself and even in that time, she’s probably spent half of it cooking, cleaning or sorting something else for Kian out. It hardly leaves her any time to herself, yet even that little bit of time is very welcome and very much appreciated. She may not get that time or use it to be able to do her favourite thing, but at least it gives her a bit of a break.
A lot of dads wonder about these things (I am sure… I hope?)… Kids can be a lot of work, especially once they are mobile and want to explore everything around them. It is not unusual for a dad, therefore, to wonder about these things sometimes then. After all, after a long week at work, dealing with your boss, tiresome colleagues and the draining politics, just the thought of a relaxing afternoon on your couch or a cozy nap is what gets you through some days!
In those instances, I remind myself that this is a team game… we are in it together. If I had wanted to spend my life on a couch or in my bed, then why bother producing this little thing… I mean, whoever said raising a child was easy (was it me… was it… what was I thinking if and when I did say it?). Think of mama dearest who has spent her entire week running after this little guy, trying to feed him, to keep him entertained and in the nights, put him to bed… how must she be feeling? Surely, she’s not wondering why she is there or how long she needs to keep doing this for.
In today’s day and age of technology, the smartphone, Facebook and Instagram, it is also easy to get distracted by what’s going on ‘out there’, rather than focus on the matter at hand – your child! And with social media comes that green sin of jealousy… “Oh, why are we here? Why aren’t we taking a vacation somewhere nice”; “How come those guys are travelling”; “We could have been travelling had we not rushed in to have a kid”… Oh come now! Those are thoughts too you should leave behind… if for no other reason, you know why? Because just as you are admiring someone else’s life on social media, they are looking at your stories and Instagram posts and cooing, “Oh, what a wonderful life they have; how lucky they are to be able to enjoy the pleasures of such a nice park so close to home; such a cute and happy little kid they have… wish we had the same!” (Well, maybe everyone you know ain’t thinking the same way, but you get the point?)
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And lastly, this is something I am very guilty of too… checking work email and wondering what’s happening in the office (damn that Blackberry!). “Is everything alright at work?” “What do I need to do tomorrow?” “How do I position our business at this important pitch tomorrow?”…. Stop it! We spend enough of our time at work and must learn to prevent it from creeping into our daily lives. They pay me well but not well enough to encroach on my personal time… besides, I am not winning any brownie points for thinking about these things when spending time with Kian… so why bother? If anything, with this distraction I am probably taking away brownie points I can win with my son… his precious smile and hug, is after all worth a lot more to me than the satisfaction that can come from winning a new pitch or closing a deal!
These are more than five thoughts that I would leave behind when spending time with my kid. It’s easier said than done, but if you don’t make a start somewhere, it won’t happen. To use a quote I read on the Internet a few months back that said, ‘being a good dad starts with presence and not presents’… so, when you’re with your child, be with him or her. Don’t let your mind wander; leave some of these thoughts behind because as you are thinking about these things you never know… your child may have taken his first step, spoken his first words or called you papa for the first time… is it worth missing that for anything in this world… let alone those ridiculous thoughts!
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KSP Team
Alagammai
Prachi Kagzi
Rushita Sheth
Mansi Zaveri
Parul Gupta
