Here is the third article from author and mom Gopika Kapoor. Her first article on 5 things I learnt after being a parent for 9 years  and her second article on Kids in todays generation was trending in the Top 5 most read articles on Kidsstoppress for the last 2 weeks.
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Gopika Kapoor, the author of well known books like Spiritual Parenting: Wisdom (and Wit) for Raising your Child in a Stress-free and Spiritual Environment, asks all the mommies to spend their time doing activities that they enjoy rather their following certain norms that restrict them to do so.
Last year I decided to learn how to play the guitar. I’d always dreamed of being in a band, and even though that dream hasn’t come true (yet!) I figured I would like to learn how to play and sing. The funny thing is that when I told my mommy friends about it, their reactions were incredulous.
“You mean, your kids are playing the guitar?â€_x009d_
“No, I am.â€_x009d_
“But why do you want to learn an instrument? I mean, you might as well get your kids to learn.â€_x009d_
“Well, I’ve always wanted to play, so…â€_x009d_
“But what about your kids? I mean, with your work and stuff, when will you have time with them? â€_x009d_
Most could not believe that I was investing my time, effort and money in a class for myself. The other thing that stood out was that by taking an hour out to learn something for myself I was being a ‘bad’ mother. Unfortunately, this has become the norm for most of us mums. We will spend thousands of rupees and innumerable hours ferrying our kids back and forth from one class to another but when it comes to ourselves, we are loath to spend even a half-hour doing something for ourselves. Sure, we’ll do coffee with the other mums or go shopping for cute clothes for our kids but what about us?
Of course, it’s worse for mums who work outside the home (I think all mums are working all the time, whether we get paid for it or not!), who like Indra Nooyi, “die with guiltâ€_x009d_ if they take out even a minute for themselves. The idea seems to be that if you’re a working mom, you have to spend every second away from work with your kids. You cannot and must not have any time to yourself, to cultivate any aspect of your own life apart from your offspring. And unfortunately the people guilty of perpetuating this idea are we mums ourselves.
So all the mums out there, whether you work in the home, outside or lead a life of leisure: do yourself a favour and chuck the guilt. It is, in my opinion a highly over-rated and time consuming emotion which leads to nothing productive or enriching. Instead, follow your inner compass which will tell you whether you are giving enough time to every aspect of your life – your kids, your home, your marriage/relationship, your family, and most importantly yourself.
Time spent by yourself, with yourself will give you a fresh perspective on your life, and trust me, you will be a better parent for it. Do whatever makes you happy, whether its singing like I do or a daily walk. Because you really, really are worth it!
Rushita Sheth
