You’ve probably heard of Helicopter Parenting, Authoritative Parenting, and Tiger Parenting. But the one term that more parents and experts are becoming more aware of in recent times and warning us of is “Eggshell Parenting”. What is this and why should we be worried about becoming one?
What Is Eggshell Parenting?
Eggshell parenting is a lot similar to authoritarian parenting where as the name suggests the child is subject to “walking on eggshells” when around the parent in fear of outbursts by the parent.
Experts warn that this style of parenting can create fear and anxiety in children, leaving them unsure of what might trigger their parent’s anger or disapproval.
It was first coined by Dr. Kim Sage whose TikTok videos and Instagram reels on this topic have become very popular while empowering and educating the parenting community on the dangers of eggshell parenting.
In an article on Fatherly, Paediatric Psychologist Kelsey M Latimer Ph.D was quoted as saying
“When we are around unpredictable and volatile people, it’s like we feel that sensation of walking delicately not to break the shells below us, though this is an impossible task. In the case of eggshell parents, no matter what kids do, they are frequently and unfairly cast in the wrong.”
In essence, what happens to the child is that they are constantly conscious of what they say and do, while their minds are on high alert, to avoid any outbursts by the parents. The young minds work hard to become someone they are not, to ensure they don’t upset their parent in the process.
Signs Of Eggshell Parenting:
Here are some of the classical signs of Eggshell Parenting- not limited to but mostly includes the below.
Inconsistent Reactions: Parents react differently to the same behaviour, sometimes being nice and other times very harsh.
Frequent Outbursts: Parents often lose their temper, making the home feel tense.
Unclear Expectations: Rules are confusing or change a lot, leaving kids unsure about what’s expected of them.
Emotional Volatility: Parents’ moods change quickly, making it hard for kids to know how they will react.
Hyper-Critical Attitude: Parents often focus on what kids do wrong and don’t give enough praise.
Inconsistent Discipline Tactics: Kids get punished differently for the same actions, causing confusion.
Lack of Emotional Support: Kids struggle to feel safe and supported because parents are often focused on their own feelings.
Is eggshell parenting something very unique that happens only to a select few? Not necessarily. A lot of us might be exhibiting these symptoms and signs in our regular style of parenting without our knowledge.
Children raised in these environments are known to develop a heightened sense of vigilance, constantly scanning for signs of impending conflict or emotional volatility. They often try to “read” their parents’ moods and adjust their behaviour accordingly, always walking on eggshells to avoid triggering negative reactions. This can lead to children suppressing their own needs and emotions, as they become hyper-focused on avoiding confrontation.
Mansi Zaveri, Conscious Parenting Coach and Founder of Kidsstoppress.com recently spoke about why parents need to handle their emotions better by identifying and understanding the triggers that lead them to an altercation/argument/yelling at the kids.
What To Do If I Am An Eggshell Parent?
Many eggshell parents don’t set out to raise their children in this way, but it’s a behaviour pattern that can emerge unconsciously due to unresolved issues or emotional distress. If you find yourself reacting harshly to small problems, being inconsistent with discipline, or feeling that your children never “get it right,” you may be displaying signs of eggshell parenting.
Latimer explains in the earlier article that many of these behaviours stem from the parent’s own childhood experiences. If you were raised in a household where emotional unpredictability was the norm, it’s possible that you may unintentionally replicate those behaviours with your children. Unresolved emotional wounds from childhood can manifest in volatile reactions to stress, leading to unpredictable parenting patterns. The key is in identifying your triggers so you can put an end to the generational trauma and spare your children from undergoing the same trouble you had to endure.
Parents who struggle with mood disorders, chronic stress, or emotional regulation may also fall into eggshell parenting without realizing it. The inability to manage these emotions effectively creates a home environment where children are constantly unsure of how their parents will respond.
Effects Of Eggshell Parenting On Children
Hyper-Vigilance: Children are always on edge, living in a heightened state of fight, flight, or freeze, which is unhealthy for long-term emotional health.
Emotional Burnout: Prolonged stress can lead to exhaustion and feelings of isolation.
Trust Issues: Unpredictable responses from caregivers make it hard for children to trust others later in life.
Struggles in Relationships: Mistrust can hinder the ability to form secure, healthy relationships as they grow.
Anxiety and Depression: Lack of a stable environment can lead to anxiety, depression, difficulty sleeping, and eating disorders.
Lack of Emotional Resilience: Children may find it hard to cope with everyday challenges due to their unstable upbringing.
Constant Scanning for Danger: Kids learn to read the emotions of those around them, leading to a fear-driven perspective instead of a natural exploration of the world.
Fear and Instability: This constant vigilance can make children view their environment through a lens of fear and unpredictability.
Clinical Psychologist Dr Shwetambhara Sabharwal spoke about how parents could inadvertently cause anxiety to their children with their acts in this interview to Kidsstoppress.
What To Do If You Were Raised By An Eggshell Parent?
If you were raised by an eggshell parent, you might have carried some of the emotional scars into adulthood. And it’s never too late to identify them and put an end to the cycle of passing it on to the next generation.
Hyper-vigilance, mistrust, and emotional burnout are common effects of growing up in an unstable environment. However, recognising these patterns is the first step toward healing and breaking the cycle.
Latimer suggests that individuals raised in these environments often benefit from therapy, where they can explore the emotional wounds left by their upbringing and learn healthier coping mechanisms. Through therapy, people can break free from repeating the patterns they experienced in childhood and work on developing secure, trusting relationships.
Another important aspect of healing is self-awareness. Understanding how your upbringing has affected your emotional responses allows you to consciously make different choices in how you interact with others, especially with your own children if you’re a parent.
Experts suggest that eggshell parents who realize their mistakes and take steps to repair their relationships with their children can create healing moments. Saying, “I’m sorry, I should not have done that,” followed by a conversation with the child, allows them to express how the behaviour affected them, creating a path for rebuilding trust.
Go through this, sit back and analyse your parenting and i you find your behaviour ticking off more than 2-3 signs in the above, it’s about time to reinvent your style and tweak it to suit you and your family.
What are your thoughts on this? Share in the comments below. And don’t forget to share this article with a fellow parent.
Janani S Koushik
KSP Team
Mansi Zaveri
Mansi Zaveri
Ruchi Sharma
Mansi Zaveri
