“I had a wonderful, easy, conversation with my parents about porn,” said no kid, ever. Yet, in today’s world, it’s less about if and more about when they’ll encounter it. Whether accidentally or intentionally, porn is likely to cross paths with your child as they grow.
Avoiding the topic won’t shield your child from it. Actually, it might make them more curious or leave them to navigate this complex issue alone. Talking to your kids about porn might feel like the last thing you want to tackle. However, with explicit content more accessible than ever – despite all the safety measures you set up on their devices—starting that conversation early is likely the wisest choice.
According to a Common Sense Media Survey in 2022
- 9 out of 10 boys and 6 out of 10 girls are exposed to pornography online before the age of 18.
- 90% of teens and 96% of young adults are either encouraging, accepting, or neutral when they talk about porn with their friends.
- The first exposure to pornography among boys is 12 years old, on average.
- 71% of teens have done something to hide their online activity from their parents.
- 28% of 16-17-year-olds have unintentionally been exposed to pornography online.
We recently asked other moms to share how they have this conversation and ended up with some super tips to help you fear the conversation less and give you confidence to get it done.
Kids will only have their own interpretations and those of other kids for understanding.
If you don’t talk about it with your kids, someone else will, and they will often not have a great perspective. As a parent of 2 teenagers, I couldn’t agree more.
Friends and websites aren’t reliable sources of information. Kids often share exaggerated or false ideas that can lead to unhealthy views about relationships, consent, and body image.
Porn also shows unrealistic scenarios that don’t reflect real-life intimacy or respect, creating skewed expectations.
If you don’t talk to your child, they’ll look for answers elsewhere. By being open and non-judgmental, you create a safe space for them to ask questions and learn the right way.
A Good Starting Point
- “Have you ever heard of the word’ pornography; or ‘porn’?
- “Do you know what pornography is?”
- “Have you ever seen something on the internet that made you feel confused or uncomfortable?”
- “Have you ever talked to your friends about porn?”
- “Do you have any questions about porn or sex?”
#1 Age When You Have ‘The Talk’ Depends On Your Kid
Just like generic parenting advice doesn’t work for every child, the same goes for conversations about porn.
The right time to start these talks depends on your child’s maturity and readiness.
For example, while your friend’s ten-year-old might be emotionally ready to discuss the risks of porn, your child might still be at the age where they believe in Santa Claus.
In such cases, a mom recommends beginning with simple discussions about body autonomy and how to handle situations where they encounter something confusing, like naked images or videos, that makes them uncomfortable. As your child grows and matures, you can gradually introduce more detailed and age-appropriate conversations.
#2 Who Should Give The Talk: Mom Or Dad?
When it came to our son, I naturally assumed my husband would take the lead on the porn talk—kind of a “man-to-man” conversation and I would speak to my daughter. I thought it would make sense, but boy, was I wrong. Turns out, my husband was way more squeamish about the whole thing than I was!
What I realized is that the parent who’s most comfortable and confident about tackling the topic should be the one to do it.
It’s not about gender—it’s about delivering the message clearly and without stumbling or cringing. What matters is that it gets done in a way that works. In the end, it’s not about who gives the talk but how effectively it’s communicated.
#3 Why It’s Not a One-Time Conversation
I’ll be honest, after our first talk about porn, I felt a huge sense of relief, like, “OK, that’s done!” But here’s the truth—you’re never really done. When my oldest was 11, Instagram and Snapchat weren’t a big thing. Now, with new apps and tech popping up all the time, the conversation has to keep evolving.
We have to keep talking about where kids might encounter porn and how these things are constantly trying to sneak into their devices—and their lives.
The reality is, porn creators and even predators are always finding smarter ways to target kids.
Kids as young as 9 years are being targeted by predators in video games like Roblox and parents aren’t even aware most of the time.
That’s why these aren’t one-and-done conversations. Keep the dialogue open and ongoing, because it’s the best way to stay ahead and keep your kids informed.
#4 Sex Is Normal, Porn Is Not
It can be hard to talk about sex with kids and ensure them that it’s a normal, natural, and healthy part of adulthood and committed relationships while at the same time trying to explain that some sex is none of those things.
We don’t want our teens to be ashamed of having sexual feelings, but we do want them to know that much of the porn industry is not about loving and committed sex.
It’s also important to talk about how watching porn can lead to sexual dysfunction issues, and that in no way does porn represent real intimacy or what real-world relationships, especially intercourse, looks like. Instead, it’s mechanical, unrealistic, at times violent, and is a “cartoon” of human sexuality. And though it may be “fake,” by no means is it “harmless.”
Remind your kids that it’s your responsibility as a parent to protect their minds and bodies from potential risks, and porn is just another one of those dangers. Just like you would discuss the risks of drinking and driving, it’s important to have a conversation about the dangers of porn.
We would love to know if you have any tips that helped you with your child. Comment or write to us at [email protected]. Let’s help other parents navigate this space better.
KSP Team
Kanishka Pariani
Tanya Lemos
