I Chose To Formula Feed My Children, Are You Going To Mom Shame Me Forever?

I have two children and both have been formula-fed.

There I said it universe! You can go ahead and strike me down if you want to. Both my children were offered the bottle in the first three days of their birth – for very different reasons. I have spent enough hours agonizing and fighting with the incredibly strong breastfeeding police, but I will not anymore.

The best-laid plans… Let me start at the beginning. When I was pregnant the first time around, like all expecting moms I wanted the best for my child. My husband and I decorated our nursery with organic bedding, BPA free toys, natural fibre rugs…we could not have been more conscious of what was best for our baby. I had read all about breastfeeding and knew that was my natural choice.

That was until my son arrived. He was born in the US and the first two days everything seemed to be on track. A lactation consultant came in, she showed us how to do things and gave me a bunch of things to read. We brought our son home and that night all hell broke loose. After feeding him every 15 minutes because he was crying uncontrollably to massaging my breasts and encouraging letdown just like the pamphlets said – we tried everything. Somewhere around 4 am, a time when the lactation consultant wouldn’t make a house call, and I had my bawling baby to my chest – it was clear what I had to do. I had to give my baby formula to satiate his hunger. The events of the next few months only served to reaffirm what we had already done. A diagnosis of postpartum depression, insufficient help, and being overwhelmed by the baby 24/7 only made matters worse when it came to breastfeeding. Formula seemed to help my baby thrive and keep my sanity in check.

Four year later and it seemed like we were back where we started. My second born was delivered in India and this time around fuelled by my gynaec, my paediatrician and parenting sites I was convinced of breastfeeding my child for a whole year. That was the plan until my second son arrived. Born jaundiced, he wasn’t receiving any milk from me for three days and therefore wasn’t flushing the bilirubin out of his system. His incessant crying and extreme yellow skin made us rush to the doctor who said he was severely dehydrated and that we should put him on top feeds immediately. So much for well thought out plans.

Reasons for choosing formula

True, there is nothing better than breastmilk for a baby, but why do we define motherhood by the way a baby is fed? The biggest reason I continued to formula feed my children was that I was convinced that they would benefit a lot more from a happy, caring mom than they would from forced breastfeeding. There are a number of reasons moms choose to formula feed.

Insufficient production of breastmilk
Postpartum depression
Latching problems
Mom may feel ‘trapped’ by the constant demand for breastfeeding
Insufficient diet
Forced to return to work
Maternal medical conditions

Galactagogues, a will to breastfeed, a personal goal, antibodies for your baby, protection from infections are all real and I standby every single one of them. If you choose to breastfeed for six months, a year, two years – more power to you. Things worked out differently for me. Today, my children are both happy, healthy, hitting all their milestones, and they have a mom who is present a 100% without being overwhelmed and crouching under a cloud of anxiety and guilt. Tell me isn’t that the most important thing I can give my kids?

Kidsstoppress believes: Mother’s milk is best for baby but we also do not endorse mom-shaming.