Parenting & The Power Of Appreciation

One of the things that I am often told is that I come across as very "confident". I guess I am or put on a very good semblance of it. I am trying to backtrack and understand what makes me so confident and hope to recreate that in my parenting style.

I realize now that in its in the "power of appreciation". My parents have always appreciated my sister and me, my father more so since my mom took on the role of disciplinarian along with food provider, query solver, last-minute miracle worker and general sounding board for 2 daughters.

My father genuinely believed his daughters had dropped straight from heaven and while he was exacting in his expectations of us he was also always supremely confident of us, even when we were not. To him, we were gorgeous, bright, talented, resilient, fiery girls and he said so on multiple occasions. Growing up while he always teased us and especially me who was more prone to sulking and tears than my even-tempered sister, he never stopped telling us that he was very appreciative of us.

Nothing we ever did was great, super, wonderful and the best ever. Not to say that he didn't point out what he expected of us and that those expectations played a huge role in my sister and I wanted to live up to his dreams for us.

They wanted us to be independent, strong women with an opinion and courage to take on all the blows life threw at us. And that we were able to do it is in large part because of their utter confidence in us. My parents never believed that they had any obligation as the "parents of the girl" in either my sister or my marriages. They genuinely believed it was a partnership of equals and that any family would be lucky to have their daughters! Not many girls I know are lucky enough to have parents like mine and now that I've seen more of the world I can genuinely appreciate it.

Coming to how we can raise confident, self-assured children with a strong sense of self-esteem?

Start with saying thank you!
Appreciate them for all that they are and the effort they are putting in every day to be better.
Give them simple, straight answers to the most difficult of questions and don't hesitate to be honest with them.
Share your experiences, the good and the bad both and let them know that you are fallible too.
Share your past and your family history with them so they always remember where they come from and hopefully be inspired from the courage of their forefathers
Let them know its OK to fail but it's not OK to be lazy, selfish, mean spirited and disrespectful.
Teach them to deal with failures and denials from a young age so their spirit is not crushed when a door closes on them in the future.
Show them in multiple ways that they are loved unconditionally, unequivocally and even when you are angry and disappointed in them, your love is steady as a rock.
Lead by example, and be generous, respectful, compassionate and resilient and demonstrate all the qualities you wish for them to imbibe.
Never ridicule or ignore your child's dreams or fantasies, because they will need your love and encouragement to make them their reality.
Teach them life skills like cooking, cleaning, budgeting and managing with a little less so in emergencies they are not falling apart.
Treat your spouse, partner, parents and friends with respect, and that respect will plough back to them.
Accept that you have made mistakes too and continue to do them. The answer lies in not, not making mistakes but learning from them every single time and improving on them.
Teach them that your word is your honour and to respect it more than anything.
Money comes and money goes and it can buy privilege but it cannot buy breeding, manners and courtesy. That is the sign of true privilege and shows more character than the most expensive baubles.