Gopika Kapoor, the author of well known books like Spiritual Parenting: Wisdom (and Wit) for Raising your Child in a Stress-free and Spiritual Environment, asks all the mommies to spend their time doing activities that they enjoy rather their following certain norms that restrict them to do so.
At the onset, let me say that I don’t know if what I did was right. So if you try this and it doesn’t work, please don’t blame me! All I did was what any tiger mother would do to protect her kids. Not that I’m a real tiger mom, maybe a panther, that too a less ferocious one. But let’s go back to the beginning…
You may also like:Â Why being a tiger parent maybe good for your kids
It all started when my daughter entered fifth grade. Fifth grade was as different from the fourth as My Little Pony is from Game of Thrones. All at once, pre-teen hormones started kicking in but strangely avoided my daughter. Not only did the other girls start growing; they also became meaner and more aggressive overnight. It seemed as though they had suddenly shed their baby fat and empathy all at once.
As one of the littlest kids in class, my daughter seemed to be getting pulled into class politics every day and being made the fall guy for all the pranks. A natural pacifist, she tried her best to stay out of it, but the end of every school day would find her in tears with complaints about how her former friends had turned foes and been spiteful towards her. I talked, cajoled, lectured, shouted, threatened to no avail. She went on being bullied and returning from school in tears every day.
They say divine intervention comes in the most unique ways. For me, it was a WhatsApp message. An image showed up on my screen of a chimpanzee swinging from a hoop. The accompanying text read: every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these words – not my circus, not my monkeys.
You may also like:Â New age WhatsApp mommies
This Polish proverb made so much sense, especially in light of the current situation that I had to share it with my daughter. As I explained it to her, I could see a small glimmer of hope in her eyes, but then she shook her head, “It won’t work Mama!â€_x009d_ she wailed. “They won’t be my friends and then I won’t have any friends.â€_x009d_
But I kept at it, repeating these lines to her like some sort of magic spell. Until one day she came home with a spring in her step and a twinkle in her eye. “Guess what happened today Mama!â€_x009d_ she exclaimed. “Sona told me that she didn’t want me to be friends with Ridhi because then she wouldn’t talk to me or be my friend and she would tell the rest of the girls to not talk to me and that no one would sit next to me.â€_x009d_ She had run out of breath and so I prompted “Then what happened?â€_x009d_
She continued with a triumphant smile “I just told Sona, ‘You say what you want to. It’s not my circus, not my monkeys’, and you know what Mama? She just looked at me! She didn’t know what to say!â€_x009d_
I smiled, “What happened then?â€_x009d_
“Then,â€_x009d_ she continued “She walked away and I think she was so shocked that she didn’t say anything to anyone. You were right Mama – I was getting too messed up with all these girls. But I know that I can be my own best friend. And I’ve always got you!â€_x009d_
This was my reward I thought, hugging her tight. This was one among all those thousands of moments of motherhood that make it more than worthwhile. Finally, my daughter had learned not to give a damn, had learned her own worth, had learned how to be her own best friend.
God bless the Polish!
Don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram or subscribe to our YouTube Channel for more information.
Anusha Veluswamy
Parul Gupta
KSP Team
Jyotika Bedi
