This Is A Simple Way To Emotionally Connect With Your Child, Says This Mom

As a stay at home mom of two children, 16 & 12, I have many other roles in my life- of a Creative head of our photography company that I head with my husband, part of a social organisation and an ideator for just about anyone who needs to come up with new ways/ideas. I am a very vocal person. My thoughts are voiced almost as soon as they pop up in my head, either in person, through texts or I make notes ( If you find me typing away incessantly on my phone notepad, it has to be one of those ‘note-making’ moments for me). Expressions of these thoughts in any form, helps me keep a balance in my chaotic life. When you do this, there is a certain feeling of liberation achieved.

My constant endeavour in life is to help my children attain the same freedom that comes from self-expression. Setting aside our busy schedules, theirs and mine, plus the speed at which the world around them is constantly evolving, it was a constant struggle to be around all the time, plus the raging hormones! (Again, theirs and mine!)

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We went through times where either one of us would not want to hear the other one out without having a ready answer to give out! Sounds familiar??

The “Mommy and me” journal:

My younger one and I started a “Mommy and meâ€_x009d_ journal. It is something I read about during the many Pinterest-y hours that I spend sourcing online. Though many such journals are available online with prompts, I wanted ours to be a simple one where our topics would be decided by daily life and the happenings. And I must say, so far the journals have been a tremendous help to both of us.

Here are the rules of our journal:

1. We would each write our thoughts down, without the other reacting verbally, we also had to reply by writing our thoughts/ reactions down. And under special requests, we would not discuss the topic outside of the journal.

2. It was a way to avoid the occasional impulsive reactions of parents to the things our kids share with us. With this journal, there were many things that I could react to, after reflecting upon my thoughts, without a loud voice or a stern tone but in a loving language.

3. Children/ Teens have many topics that they have difficulty talking about without being embarrassed and this was a way for us where she could share all of it- about a spat she had with a girlfriend, a new crush, discussions about academic goals, inspirational quotes, words of encouragement, etc. It became a space where promises were made and kept.

4. The journal also helped us revisit our earlier discussions or unfulfilled promises. And she would remind me if I didn’t keep a certain promise very subtly and vice versa. It helped us know over the years how far we have come.

Over the years, the written conversations may have become less frequent but when I find that book on my desk, I know I have made a path for her to reach out to me, regardless of the fact that I may not be around every single time she wants to talk or when she wants to let out and express what she has to say to me. Finally, a two-way-street has been established.

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There have been times when I have asked her to write down a page for me, with our roles reversed- if she was the mommy today, and what would she say to me. And I must say,  she comes up with some pretty insightful statements regarding my life. I let her know from time to time, how much I appreciate this journal and this exchange between us. Sometimes when I am not doing so great at life, or when she feels I am having a low moment, she reminds me that it’s ok to not be perfect, or writes down some beautiful lines that inspire me. It is an assurance, that reminds me that she has been listening.

To make this more fun, I let the husband use the book to slip in a note to her sometimes, just something funny which peps her up. But this is MY space with her, something she and me have come to treasure and I feel blessed that she lets me into her utmost secretive space.

In the words of Tony Gabkins, “Communication to a Relationship is like Oxygen to Life….Without it…. It diesâ€_x009d_

Image source: sheknows.com

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