This Mom On What Celebrating Diwali Outside India Really Looks Like

We are now in that part of the year when you celebrate a festival every month. Oops! Sorry, strike that. A festival every two weeks. Navratri, Durga Puja, Dussehra, Karwachauth and then the big bang Diwali.

Living outside of India, sometimes it is really hard to keep up. Not all festivals are celebrated, and nor do children get a day off for every festival.

Things for the pooja can’t be bought around the corner, you need to do a whole lot of planning. Here in Singapore, it means you plan a trip early in the morning on a weekday to Little India or Mustafa (or you can go later in the day and get crushed in the crowds) or to the famous Moghul sweet shop in Little India.

I was brought up in Bahrain and I remember my mom making a big deal about celebrating all festivals in a small way, if not a big way. It was her way of sharing traditions with us. Now that I look back to the days we lived in Bahrain, where you had to make your sweets, papdi, pani puri (and 10 other snacks that your kids demanded) at home, it must have been tough.

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I never understood the value of all the effort for these celebrations then. But now, with two daughters of my own, life has come full circle. I am right now busy planning the Diwali pooja and the party for this year. Trying to figure out where I can buy the diyas, sweets…the list is never-ending. Not to forget the Indian dresses that my little one insists on wearing. Yes, I did plan that one on my last trip to India, but I definitely did not plan on my daughter becoming taller. So there goes another Monday morning in search of an Indian dress or as she insists, a lehenga.

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But in spite of all the glitches and the planning, I love how we as a family have made our own traditions. We may not be following all the rules and traditions of our families back home but somewhere along the way I am happy that we have managed to follow some and make some new ones. We make sure we clean and decorate our house and temple together as a family. We go gift shopping (which might be more fun for my kids since it is the only time they get to see the Little India shops) and buy all the diyas and mithai together. On the day, we dress up, read books related to Diwali, we talk to family back home, we pray and finally, we try to meet our friends to wish them and give them their gifts. It has really helped my daughter understand the concept of giving rather than taking. She looks forward to making the mithai boxes and wrapping gifts (She tries to be creative by putting together something new every year).

Most importantly, in the midst of all the planning and the celebrations, I have also had to explain to my daughter how to be mindful of the people around us especially our neighbours and respect their space. Not everyone in Singapore celebrates our festival or understands it. We have to share the love of our festivals but in a respectful way by not making too much noise or littering the halls. Slowly but surely she has started to understand and thanks to the vast diversity in Singapore we get a chance to celebrate and understand other festivals too like Chinese New year, Easter, Hari Raya/Eid, Mooncake festival to name some.

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It has been three years of celebrating Diwali away from home. And this year it sure felt nice when my daughter came up to me yesterday asking if we could go diya shopping for Diwali.

I, as a parent, have always believed that “monkey see, monkey do”. The more you embrace who you are, the more kids understand and accept.

We are all global citizens today and it has become increasingly difficult to parent a child outside of India, starting from the basic question of who we are and which country’s values and cultures we should embrace. My daughter has not asked this tough question yet, but I can see the confusion in her eyes when we discuss who our ancestors were, and how that is so different from her current context. Before one decides to answer these more difficult questions, it’s important for the parents to be on the same page on important topics like which language to focus on, the type of food to eat regularly, and which festivals are important for your family.

Pick a routine that will help your child build memories for example, eating an Indian breakfast every Sunday.

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Celebrate at least one festival with big pomp and show and try to do something special each year. Or build a community around you that your child feels comfortable in and celebrate festivals together. Being able to discuss language, mythology or festivals with peers would probably give them a sense of achievement.

Most importantly it will not happen overnight. Whether it is language or acceptance of the culture it all takes time. Our daughter didn’t speak a word of Hindi till she was 2. Had I given up earlier I probably would have regretted it a lot!

Today I look back at the last five years, and I am happy to say that I have put my best foot forward in helping pass on a small part of the significance of traditions, culture and festivals from us as a family. I hope to help our children make their memories as strong as ours, till the day they will be in my shoes and will share these with their children.

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