Want To Be a Happy Parent? Here Is One Tip All Happy Parents Agree on!

What kind of a parent are you? Ever asked yourself that question?

Why do we shy away from saying we are a selfish parent among a host of other labels? One thing I learnt since I became a parent is that putting my children first always does not make me a good mom at all. There is no shame in being selfish. I strongly believe that a happy person is a happy parent.

By selfish I don’t mean eat that last cookie without leaving even the crumbs for your child. By selfish I mean doing what makes you happy. If that means marking time in the day for yourself and using that time to do what you like to do, go ahead by all means do it! Time does not mean errands, taking a shower or grocery shopping. Your time could even mean just flipping through the channels aimlessly, sitting down to paint because you like it, trying that video tutorial or that recipe, or exercising because it makes you happy. Do this Every. Single. Day.

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I have realised that just 30 minutes of doing what I want to do helps me maintain my sanity for the rest of the day. Let the day through whatever it wants at me. Tantrums? I can face it. Sick, whiny child? I’m ready! To maintain your stability, you need to be selfish.

Why is it difficult for parents to be selfish?

• ‘Think of the children first’– is a dictum drilled into our heads by family, society and pretty much everyone else. We have seen our parents do that with us and if you think you can do the same with your child, more power to you. If not, try this method.
• The very thought of taking some time off from your child can be scary and immediately labelled by those around you as neglecting your child. Don’t look at this time as being selfish, look at it as being self care. Now why shouldn’t we be doing that?
• As parents we are all creatures of routine. Our day to day tasks pretty much consume our entire day. So there isn’t much time to carve out for ourselves. To that we say don’t feel guilty about using the last five minutes in the day for yourself. If the house needs to be cleaned up, let it be like that for a few more minutes till you unwind. Do not feel guilty about taking time out for yourself.

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What works for us:

It is very important for parents to define the time they need for themselves. Both parents need to realise that they are people first and parents after. They need to embrace their selfishness and realise that they have non-parenting needs too that have to be fulfilled in order to make them better parents. We feel that when kids see their parents happy, calm, enjoying themselves, and caring for their mind and body they will grow up with a better understanding of individual space, needs, and responsibilities.

6 ways parents can be selfish without feeling guilty:

1. Do things together: Whenever possible, do things together with your child. Or try to meet both your child’s and your own needs at the same time.
2. Pursue your own self-interests: Even if it requires another family member to help with that. Go for a walk, exercise, make time to do things that you enjoy doing. Don’t worry your children will enjoy with Dad and grandparents too!
3. Let it go: We know it is difficult and things are not going to go as you would have wanted them to but remember that years down the line, a pretty, clean house is not something your child will remember.
4. Outsource daily chores: Even it is something you can do yourself! If you need to hire domestic help, a baby sitter, a driver. Use the washing machine, vacuum cleaner, or a dishwasher. Basically anything that will help ease the workload off your shoulders and buy you a few extra minutes in the day.
5. Stop doing everything for your kids: Whenever possible let them do things on their own. Teach them to make their own bed, brush their teeth, eat on their own, involve them in everyday tasks. It will give them a newfound sense of independence and buy you some alone time.
6. Wake up early: Much earlier than anyone else in the house to spend time on reading, exercising, or simply enjoying your morning tea. One of the best ways to find your quiet time and help you organise your thoughts and plan your day better.

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Parenting is an extension of your life but it shouldn’t change who you are completely. Let your children see who you really are as a person and not just someone who tells them what to do and how to do things, every minute of every day.

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