When Should You Start Teaching Your Child To Be Independent?

We have a little ritual at the Papagoya Kindergarten, that I co-founded. At the end of every meal, the children pick up their plate/bowl, spoon and bib, and walk to the kitchen and leave it in the sink.  And they say “Thank Youâ€_x009d_ to our support staff who prepare the meal and wash the dishes. Then they wash their hands and can go read/play. All the children do this, from our 14-month old to our 4-year old. Yes, you read right – our 14-month old does this too – all by himself (he only needs some help being propped up to the sink).

Through little actions like this, we are helping children learn to show appreciation. We are supporting them in building basic foundational life skills. We are exposing them to how the world works. But really, we are encouraging them to be independent.

And no, independence is not a bad word. And there is nothing like being too young to be independent. Encouraging the youngest child to be independent, is about teaching them new skills and the ways of doing things. But mostly, it is a way of building their confidence. And we know even as adults, what the right amounts of confidence can help us all achieve.

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In the early years, children are constantly trying to understand how predictable the world is. And so this is the right time to support them in building strong foundational life skills by encouraging independence and growing their confidence. Confident children in turn, will keep wanting to try new experiences and inevitably learn new ways and new things about the world they live in. A lot of encouragement, much patience and less criticism on the part of us adults is then all that is needed to nurture a child’s inborn persistence.

Often thoughts on independence are followed quickly by questions around safety – is this safe for my child to do? What if he falls? Will she hurt herself? And then soon, you find yourself taking control and completing the task, or stopping your child from exploring their ability and environment. The next time, stop and have a think.

The youngest children are naturally meant to explore and experience, and so encouraging this in all ways is really our role as adults. We can create safety barriers and boundaries for them to navigate within, and closely watch them as they walk away from you to explore. But when they look up from their activity or come running back to you – embrace them and replace that look of fear on your face with one of joy and excitement.

A few months ago, my brother sent us a video of my then 18-month old niece in Norway, sitting at the dining table for a family breakfast and being given a small butter knife by her mother while being instructed the right way to hold it. She held it right and went on to scoop a blob of butter from the tray. She then calmly spread it across her slice of bread. And then looked up at her parents (and the camera) and gave us the biggest smile. She had watched her parents butter her bread for months and finally got to do it herself. The adults at her table and across the world were thrilled for her!

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Sometimes it is about just seeing, hearing or being exposed to a different way of doing things – to be able to acknowledge the possibilities for your child. Or allowing your child to lead the way – often children have the best understanding of their own abilities and only need some reassurance and guidance.

Bringing up a child from the early years to be independent, has a life-long impact.

• At a very basic level, independent children are confident, competent and able to take care of themselves in all situations.
• Having been allowed to do things for themselves, they tend to be self-driven and need minimal external validation of their achievements.
• They also make good and informed decisions, having been allowed to consider various options from a very young age.
• They are both trusting and trust-worthy, from knowing the meaning of responsibility and accountability for having being allowed to and then going on to complete tasks on their own.

Aren’t these excellent soft skills to find in adults? Inculcating  these life skills starts in the early years of a child’s life, just as they are discovering the world – in both subtle and overt ways.

We need to give children the freedom to experience and explore life and its lessons. We can help them build their self-esteem by showing confidence in their abilities. We can guide them when they are struggling. Ever so often, we must allow them a fall and then pick them up and shower them with hugs. We can create meaningful and satisfying experiences for them, but also inspire them to create these for themselves. Children don’t become independent on their own. They need us to provide the perspective, encourage the experiences and support the development of their skills.

Image courtesy: parents.com

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