Worried You Have An Average Child? You Definitely Need To Read This

When I was 4 months into my pregnancy and just rejoicing in the wonders of having a life growing inside me, an acquaintance asked me which playschool I was planning to enroll my child in. As I spluttered and guffawed, I was told very seriously that if I wanted the ‘best’ school, I had very little time! This was a rabbit hole and over the years, it just gets deeper and crazier. Being a mother in a metro is an endless game of comparison, classes, school admissions, missed opportunities, guilt, and worry. Food and school are the two burning hot triggers of anxiety, wars, tears and drama in every parent’s life. The saga of education starts with coaxing and forcing toddlers to go to school even if they are miserable and bawling; diaper training them inorganically at the age of three; standing in endless lines to get the school application forms; worrying, cringing and tiptoeing around others if your child is not in a ‘great’ school; cloistering yourself during ‘exams’; screaming, shouting and hitting and punishing your kids to study; endlessly comparing yourself and your child to other parents and kids; using comparison and humiliation to motivate your ‘average’ child. Sounds awful, doesn’t it? And yet, this is the story of almost every parent! The most frequent queries I receive from troubled mothers are on coping with children who don’t study when they need to. I am going to ask you to take a giant leap back and look at the actual need for and requirements of education.

Image Source: www.telegraph.co.uk

This is why children should be going to school

To Learn:

• Learning is integral to the development of an adult. To know how things work, how they came to be, how society functions, basic skills of language and math and science to function in the grown-up world, exposure to art and creativity and music and technology. Tests and quizzes and exams are a way to check whether children have, in fact, learned some or most of these things. They are one way, but not the only way! Science now believes in the existence of multiple intelligence. Some are word smart, people smart, body smart, picture smart while others are logic smart, self smart, nature smart and/or music smart. Your job as a parent is not to fit your round child into the square peg of ‘academics’, but to discover your child’s unique smartness!
• No child can be termed average. This is why schooling is changing and expanding so rapidly, with IB, IGCSC, Waldorf, Steiner and even home schooling becoming choices of mindful parents. Formats that allow more freedom, that focus more on discovery and development than on conforming.

To Socialise:

• If you look back at your most important memories of your school years; you will find that peers, friends, competitiveness, groupism, infatuation, embarrassment, achievement, and pride are all learned during those years. Schooling puts children in a neutral environment to interact with their own age group, away from the security of their parents. It simulates adult life and social functioning completely. It creates emotional intelligence as much as academic. And this area of learning is as critical as the other, if not more. These skills, learning, and wounds will shape how your children deal with relationships and society as an adult.

To Be Independent:

• Being independent means to be able to think for themselves and to take decisions for themselves. If your child has firm opinions, knows his mind, is confident and fearless, has a vision for her life and can speak his mind; then the job is done. Conversely, if your child is great at memorizing and getting great grades, but is nervous about taking any decision without your permission or has no other interests, then it definitely is a cause for concern. Look at your child now, and if you find that she is learning about the world (irrespective of the grades), has sound social skills and is becoming independent, then rest assured that all is well.

Success and happiness are what we all want for our children. Successful and happy adults are built from confident, loving and supportive parenting. Only complexes and traumas come from punitive and anxious parenting.  Relax and discover your child. Don’t sweat the grades and peer pressure. Your child is NOT average. Help your children discover their magic, be a mindful parent! Please send in all questions, comments, and protests to [email protected], facebook/ healwithseven, www.healwithseven.com or +919820264779. Priyanka is also available for consultation and parenting workshops in Mumbai and Goa.