Are You Punishing Your Child For Not Eating? Why You Must Stop Now!

As a first time mom, I suddenly came up against the ‘refusal to eat food’ phase when my child was 16 months old. But as a therapist, I’m always more concerned with my lil one’s mental state and I soon realised that this tug of food war wasn’t doing either my child, me, or the house any good. When you observe an unconditioned child though, you’ll find that there are phases when they love new tastes, and there are phases when they are so busy learning to walk or talk or play that they don’t care about food. Image Source: huffingtonpost.comThe only CONSISTENT validation and criticism is over food, over and over, every day from the moment we pop those milk whites to when we graduate. I may try negotiating some healthy food in with the junk, I may supplement her lack of nutrition with multivitamins for a while, I may try talking to her, share stories about the need for energy to play and be strong.

This article is contributed by Priyanka Bakhru Talwar for Kidsstoppress.com. Priyanka Bakhru Talwar spent 11 years in the corporate world after her MBA, and in her last profile, she headed marketing for Vogue and Conde Nast Traveler. Around 5 years back, she became interested in metaphysics and psychology, and the adventure that followed has resulted in her new and permanent avatar as a counselor and clinical hypnotherapist. She specialises in relationship and inner child therapies, and is currently pursuing a Masters in Psychology. She dabbles in photography, all ancient and alternative healing arts and cooking; and is passionate about travel and new experiences.

This post is a response to all the queries and frustrations shared by moms when I wrote the article on physical abuse. Almost all the mothers who feel helpless and guilty for lashing out at the kids claim that food is the biggest trigger. I have gone through this phase as well, when my daughter first started transitioning from milk to solids. Here is myÂ perspective and insight on this touchy topic.

As a first time mom, I suddenly came up against the ‘refusal to eat food’ phase when my child was 16 months old. The conditioned mommy response is to coax and cajole and stress and worry, and applaud when the baby eats and get upset when they don’t.

But as a therapist, I’m always more concerned with my lil one’s mental state and I soon realised that thisÂ tug of food war wasn’t doing either my child, me, or the house any good. So I stopped. And got to thinking, what really is this obsession we have with food?

Image Source: Â blog.babyoye.com

We have five amazing senses (if not more) but we spend most of our time indulging and fixating on one – taste. Mealtimes are how we define our day – post lunch, come for dinner, stay for breakfast! Food is how we pamper ourselves and others, food is how we spend time with friends and loved ones. We feed our spouse and kids and think we’re being great caregivers, we ‘indulge’ ourselves with desserts and junk food, and then we ‘deny’ ourselves by dieting. Too much food equals fat, too little is anorexic. Then there is exotic food, comfort food, food food food!

When you observe an unconditioned child though, you’ll find that there are phases when they love new tastes, and there are phases when they are so busy learning to walk or talk or play that they don’t care about food. And that’s the natural human condition. What they’re doing is indulging ALL their senses, their souls are satiated with fun or music or nature or running or laughter or learning. Then food is just what it is meant to be – nutrition. Simple milk, toast, vegetables are eaten to receive energy that the body needs and they simply move on.

We become taste and food obsessed because when we are younger, our parents never say, what a good boy you are you saw such pretty things today! Or what a clever girl you are, you enjoyed the feel of sand and velvet and flowers!

Image Source:Â huffingtonpost.com

The only CONSISTENT validation and criticism is over food, over and over, every day from the moment we pop those milk whites to when we graduate. And so food becomes a symbol for love and caring and pampering and self punishment. That is so much more than fuel for the body.

I think the human body is brilliantly intelligent and I think no child will ever starve herself. So if for a few days or weeks my child doesnâ€™t want to comply with healthy eating, Iâ€™m going to let it go. I may try negotiating some healthy food in with the junk, I may supplement her lack of nutrition with multivitamins for a while, I may try talking to her, share stories about the need for energy to play and be strong. I will try all mindful methods, but I will not make it a violent interaction. I know that my discomfort has more to do with my conditioning to food, and less to do with my child. I will let it go!

I’m going to enjoy the energy and the curiosity and giggles, and fill theirÂ sense of touch and sight and smell and hearing, and mine! Music and beauty and flowers and grass under my feet. Happy senses, happy soul!

Please send in all questions, comments and protests to [email protected], facebook/healwithseven, www.healwithseven.com or +919820264779. Priyanka is also available for consultation and parenting workshops in Mumbai and Goa.

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