‘Guilt In The Age Of Hyper-Parenting’ And Why We Are All Guilty Of It

When I was asked to moderate a panel on Guilt of Parenting, the first thought that crossed my mind was, “Who is not guilty?” Guilt is something every mom can relate to and it was interesting to hear all about it from women who joined me on the panel, all accomplished in their own right. Joining in on the panel were Karla Bookman, founder of The Swaddle, author Gopika Kapoor and actor Divya Dutta and we were talking about, “Guilt in the age of Hyper-parenting”. This was organised as a part of the Women Writers Festival in Mumbai, by SheThePeople TV.

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There were a couple of key highlights that stood out for all of us and I would love to share those with you.

What is Hyper-Parenting? 

Hyper-parenting has been defined in a number of ways, most often as an “over-involvedâ€_x009d_ parent, or a parent who is trying too hard and in a way that can actually impede a child’s success or progress. Often a “hyper parentâ€_x009d_ will enrol their child in almost every extracurricular activity, be over-involved in their social and academic lives, and not give them the space to develop on their own without constant interference.

1. Moma a.k.a the guilty species- We feel guilty if we come back late from work, we are guilty going for a girl’s night out, we are guilty going for a girl’s holiday, and what not? Are we just wired differently? Author Gopika Kapoor, who is also a contributor with Kidsstoppress, spoke on how being hyper aware of every little detail has evolved into hyperparenting. She voiced our thoughts when she said how our parents were never this ‘hyperaware’ or perennially ‘guilty’ as we are.
2. My mom was a working mom and I turned out just fine: Actor Divya Dutta, spoke how her mom had three beautiful roles in her life- as a mom, a friend and even as a daughter. Divya mentioned that her mom doubled up as daddy as she lost her father early on and in spite of having a mom who worked round the clock, she never felt abandoned by her.
3. Quality Time With Kids: This is often a question many women ask themselves. Is it ok to be a tired and stressed out mom at home all day or is it fine if you spend less-but-quality time with the kids? This was discussed by the elite panel at the event.
4. Moms as the role model: Are moms our first role model and therefore indispensable in the parenting process? Well, maybe.
5. Are we fighting too hard with dads: We agreed to disagree that moms are wired differently and it’s not to compete with the other gender. In fact, a lot of women confessed that it’s the other women in the workforce who make some feel guilty about their parenting style and not the dads.
6. Goals for kids: Guilt stems in the parenting process when we feel we are lacking in certain respects and when we feel our kids don’t reach certain goals that we set for them. Wanting the kids to be happy, was the ultimate goal that drives parents in this journey.
7. What drives Hyper-parenting? Are we hyper parents because of the economic play in our country? Is it an Indian or an Asian phenomenon? The answer that the members in the panel unanimously agreed upon was how India was fast moving towards a competitive market and the lack of quality education and work opportunities drove people to hyper-parenting mode.

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As the moderator, I tried to touch upon how moms today need to be thick-skinned in order to come out of the self-pity and guilt that we subject ourselves to. I also wondered how parents today are fretting constantly about the milestones their babies achieve (or don’t achieve) and how a child’s tuitions and classes soon become a world of its own in a parent’s life.

Let us know how you have allowed yourself to be swarmed by guilt in your parenting journey! Write into us or leave your comments below!