Mansi Zaveri On The Lessons She Learnt As A Parent From The Year 2016

This is probably my favourite post in the year as I reflect upon the year gone by. I never make resolutions but I know what I definitely need to work upon in the coming year. 2016 has been a year full of growth both personally and professionally. I now have so many more people in my family. Yes, I am talking about the Kidsstoppress team. We added members young and old and I realised how we all need to manage our equations with each new member in the family.

Parenting to me is a journey that only gets tougher each year. New parents, enjoy it while it lasts. This generation is way different and you don’t know how complicated it gets as they grow older. As I look back here are a few lessons that I learnt.

Lesson 1: Forgiveness is the key to all unhappiness: This is one line that stood out from my favourite song Affirmation by Savage Garden. I can not tell you the number of times I have goofed up in 2016 and forgotten to send things to school — library folders, books, money, bus pick ups. When we wind down for the day and I tell Aanya, “I am really sorry for forgetting to do this”. Her reply is, “Mom you are human, only robots never make mistakes”. She forgives me even though it may have been a big deal for her. Thank you for that. In this mad rush to do everything, I just miss so many things but you made me realise I am only human.

Lesson 2: Simplify Life: Whenever I am feeling down and out or am faced with a dilemma, the two people who can just make all the negativity disappear are my kids. Kids have this ability to uncomplicate and simplify life and I want to be just like them. Perhaps that’s why we have added ‘Simplifying Parenting’ as a tag line to Kidsstoppress.com.

Lesson 3: Don’t compare them I think as parents we are always looking at our kids as achievers and not as kids. We forget that they are individuals and just like we don’t want to be compared they don’t want to be compared either. It’s one thing that makes them feel hollow and worthless and consciously or subconsciously we are all in it and guilty of doing it.

Lesson 4: There are no role models for them Every time I see some kid who achieved something or a personality, I will not expect my kids to follow suit and not be disappointed at their achievement. Each time I see a child do something outstanding be it on TV, on stage, at a concert, I promise to not go on and on about that child and the background that she comes from, and how my child does not understand the various privileges.

Lesson 5: I don’t want to teach my kids what is possible and what is impossible. I don’t want to limit their universe by telling them what’s impossible. I already think they are achieving and doing whatever they can.

Lesson 6: Logic and process is more important than the end result. Let’s give it to our kids for attempting and trying. Their reasons and approach may be different but let’s hear it. If everybody thought the same who would innovate.

Lesson 7:  Respect and feed their curiosity: I want to feed their curiosity. There is nothing that creates more passion than curiosity. If they are curious they will explore, learn and discover. That information will be so well etched in their minds that they will never have to understand that through books again.

Lesson 8: Kids will hurt you. I have shed a tear or two this year but I have learnt that if you are not hated by your kids you haven’t been a good parent. There were times when I just couldn’t get across to them and I thought I could really do a better job. I sobbed. I wept silently wanting to give it another shot and trying to explain don’t hate me, it’s only for your own good.

Lesson 9: Social media perfect family photos are not always true. Picture perfect family photos, blue skies and green meadows as backdrops for family holidays is just too hard and only promotes low self-esteem. Families and getting perfect pictures from your kids is bloody hard. Don’t undermine your family holiday big or small by where someone else has been and how their kids are well dressed, well behaved or just pose with a perfect pout.

Lesson 10: Pick and choose your battles. You can never have it all. Kids will be kids and they will behave illogically. You win some and you lose some. You may have given way to a piece of chocolate but you saved them from eating something even worse.

Lesson 11: Everything in life is a choice. I have stopped complaining about life because I understand that every situation is a result of a choice. I have chosen the way we live, the way I am raising my kids, the amount of time I spend on social, the amount I play with my kids, the amount of importance I give over what people think about me vs what I think about myself. Everything is a choice – and I made it.

Lesson 12: Define your universe There is nothing like competition. Like my daughter always tells me, “Mom it is always collaborate and not compete.” While yes it’s a brutal world out there you define your universe. You define whether your universe in Mumbai, Maharashtra, India, Asia, US or really the whole world. When you define your universe it could be infinite.

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