Why I Chose A Boarding School For My Children

Crazy, lazy, troubled…these are just some of the words I heard (or at least thought I heard) when I told people I would be sending my twelve-year-old twins to a boarding school. They were, after all, already enrolled in one of our country’s (maybe even the world’s) “best” schools, a mere 30 minutes from home. And they were excelling academically, socially and athletically. Why would anyone in their right mind uproot children in this scenario and send them to a school in a remote mountain town 1000 miles away? That parent must have some serious issues, right? Or those children must have troubles that the family wants to keep a secret.

While I can understand this perspective, I’d like to offer another one. The decision to send two of my three children to a boarding school was made from a position of love, confidence, conviction and with a leap of faith.

Education is the foundation of our family:

I come from a long line of educators, my immigrant parents prospered through education and my professional work centres on education. With this type of pervasiveness, there was never any question that tracking our three children academically, and otherwise, in school would be a top priority for me and my husband. Every six months, we have an education “audit” for each child and make sure, given our constraints and goals, they are thriving and would continue to do so into the foreseeable future.

Things were humming along just fine for seven years and then we saw inklings of discontent over the course of the last 18 months. The children were not able to pursue activities they were passionate about due to our city’s excessive traffic, poor air quality and lack of resources. Their school’s socio-economic and cultural makeup was stiflingly homogenous, the pedagogy was entrenched in rote learning and fear was the tool of choice for keeping everyone in line. All of this was taking a toll on their happiness and ability to maximize their potential.

Alongside all that, my husband and I are entrepreneurs, whose work necessitated extensive travel. Our two-year expat stint with a multinational had turned into a permanent move and a shift to entrepreneurship – something we hadn’t counted on when we signed up for the plum foreign assignment eleven years earlier when our children were still toddlers. So, while we were able to secure seats for our children in top schools when they turned five, we were unable to give them the type of experiences we had expected to be able to give them, had we remained in our home country.

Given our professional scenario, the changing needs of our children and our goals as parents, we sat down with them and discussed the ways in which we could address the situation. Of all the possible options, the one that best solved most issues was a shift to an Internationally-oriented boarding school in our adoptive country. There were exactly two schools that met all our criteria – affordability, diversity, academic rigour, ease of drop off and pick up, and opportunities for a range of quality extracurriculars. We chose the school with which we were most familiar, where the commute was the best and where we, as parents, felt a connection with the community.

And we backed our gut with some facts. According to The Association of Boarding Schools (TABS), 90% of boarding school students reported having high-quality teachers, 78% reported that their peers are highly motivated, 70% said that attending boarding school had helped them develop self-discipline, maturity, independence, and the ability to think critically.

Our twins are identical in the biological sense but in no other. S was excited to attend a school where she was confident she would be able to achieve her dreams (her words exactly). R on the other hand, was anxious, complying mainly because she couldn’t bear to be separated from her twin sister. Our older child, while also wanting a new, mind-opening experience, decided she would not change schools given she was already in high school and a distinguished sportsperson in our region.

Given that my work focuses on education, it is natural for my clients and other members of my personal and professional network to ask about the choices I have made for my family. When I mention that two of my three children study away from home and that too, at the age of twelve, the askance glances prevail. They ask: “Don’t you miss them?”, “How do you do it?”, “Aren’t you afraid they won’t need you?”, “Why did you have kids if you don’t want to take care of them?”, “Were they being bullied?”. I know that people are curious and want to understand the thought process behind our decision better.

But the assumption that I am a lazy parent or that my children needed disciplinary action is clearly evident in their questions and tone.

What I would like people to know is that I am not shirking my responsibilities as a parent. Instead, I am encouraging my children to find their own way in the world, albeit with appropriate support for their age and level of maturity. At a boarding school, their dorm parents offer another model for parenting, which helps the girls understand that families may operate differently from one another and that’s okay, as long as everyone feels safe, secure and supported. Instead of spending ninety minutes commuting by bus each day and then just as much time in the car going back and forth for extracurriculars, I have let them find their feet (literally), exploring new activities and indulging their passions, within the campus, where the only commute is a ten-minute walk to the climbing wall or music studio or design centre.

Instead of being selfish and keeping my children close to me, I have let them grow wings and learn from interactions with teachers from six continents; friendships with classmates from around the world, including those from war-torn and other ravaged regions; and exposure to new environments, languages, food and so much more.

I won’t lie – most days, I do enjoy the newfound peace and quiet at home and relish the fact that my weekends are largely my own again. And yet, on the other hand, I miss the girls terribly, especially during holidays and family events. And yes, it is a stretch financially. But I would rather they be happy and healthy away from me than stressed and anxious with me. I want them to learn to be self-sufficient and confident in their own abilities. And for that, the price I’m paying seems paltry.

While a boarding school isn’t for every family, the reasons that it may work will differ widely depending on the situation. Approaching the discussion with an open mind to the possibilities ensures that you and your child make the best possible decision.

Image source: TheDoonSchool