5 Signs Of A Dysfunctional Family

Originally written by Mansi Zaveri and intended for publishing in The Times Of India

As Tolstoy said, “All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”. To a large part of us as Indians, the concept of a happy family, is what we all grew up watching in a Sooraj Barjatiya film but obviously that fabric and its weaves are changing with times and the Pardah on that Perfect Hum Saath Saath Hain family was ripped apart when we saw Zoya Akhtar’s Dil Dhadakne Do where parents are clueless about what happens in their children’s lives. We realised that a perfect family is an illusion. The truth is that dysfunctional families are a reality that we can’t escape.

Abuse In Any Form

This is the biggest red flag for a dysfunctional family. Abuse in any form- physical, or emotional or worse- sexual is a big NO. And calls for remedial action on a war footing. Researchers say abuse- however mild, can have long lasting and scarring impressions on children, even when they grow up.

Lack Of Boundaries

This reminds of Andre Agassi’s quote, “Rules without relationship equals rebellion”. When you notice your boundaries being blurred by your family members or when you transcend them, you know you are entering dangerous territory.

No Trust

Mental health experts warn of long-lasting trust issues in teens and adults when they witness the same being breached, as a child. Lack of trust, within adults or between parents and children is a serious sign of a dysfunctional family. Checking your teen’s cell phone without their permission or intruding into their rooms in their absence, might have been things acceptable a generation ago- but not anymore, frankly.

Sabotage Within The Family

It could be with relationships, accepting new members, sabotaging your child’s/parents plans/careers. Things that indicate that you are not a team anymore. And you supplement one relationship with another.

Fight For Authority

Parenting is often confused by some as something that puts you in the driver’s seat. We often seek control over the smallest of things, with family members and children, especially. This fight for authority and one-upmanship, especially between adults could spell doom for the family.