5 Simple Ways To Avoid Overparenting

Are you the parent who hovers over or influences every decision your child makes? Are you the parent who micromanages their choices and decisions, lest they make any mistakes? Are you the parent who ensures your child succeeds at every step, small or big? If yes, you might think, you are doing a great job! However, allow me to be a spoilsport and tell you these are signs of ‘overparenting’.

How Do You Find Out If You Are Guilty Of This?

In a conversation with IANS life, Mansi Zaveri gave 5 simple steps to avoid overparenting.

“I was reminded of Andre Agassi’s quote when I got a chance to interview him. He said, “the sign of good parenting is to raise kids to be independent and not need us at every step in their future”. A very insightful line that got me thinking. Are we guilty of raising children in a bubble-wrapped world?” – Mansi Zaveri

Sometimes as parents, we think we can control every aspect of our child’s life in the name of “doing it for their own good”. However, we’ve got to understand, especially with this generation, that our kids are getting more brilliant way sooner than we did. And to them freedom of thought, speech and expression are the bare minimum necessities.

Does that mean, they can do whatever they want? No. Does that mean we can do whatever we want? Also no. There must be a more open conversation and cooperation between your kid and you.

5 Simple Ways To Avoid Overparenting:

Be Open To Mistakes And Consequences:

The parent needs more convincing here than the kids! Let them fail. Nothing teaches you better than mistakes themselves. Bruised knees are signs of a child who has played well and learnt more in the process. Once they understand they are responsible for their consequences their actions take a different and more accountable turn.

Don’t Over-Sanitise Kids:

Just like physical immunity, mental immunity also builds gradually and is something we need to work on as parents. Sanitising every surface or opportunity for our kids is impractical, and not recommended too. Be there to catch them if they fall, and direct them if they feel lost, but don’t be there as the one who stops them from falling. Guide them and involve them in small chores at home, it is okay for kids to sweat it out a little, at home. They will learn so many valuable life skills this way.

Control Impulse To Blame And Teach Kids To Take Onus For Their Actions:

Here is a common sight. When a child trips and falls down, you will find an overprotective parent or grandparent, coddling the kid and hitting the floor hard, for tripping the child. As “caring” as that might seem, it teaches kids from a young age not to take responsibility for their actions and to transfer the blame. Avoid such practices right from the beginning, and teach your kids to be more careful and not fall, rather than blame the floor (or anyone else).

Teach Your Kids That It Is Okay To Be Vulnerable:

Yes, we want children to see that we are perfect in everything we do. But when they constantly see that, they don’t know what the other side of perfection looks like. As adults, when we make small errors, or if we consider something as our weakness, learn to accept it, in front of your kids, and tell them this is why you did it. This needs to be done, with discretion, of course, but when kids see that you are more human than the perfect image they have in mind, they learn more from watching you than anything else. Create and connect with your kids, in a more relatable way.

Don’t Be The Go-To Problem Solver All The Time:

In most houses, the moms take up the role of the 24*7 problem-solver. Sock missing? Mom knows where it is. Missed your lunch box at home? Mom rushes to school to hand it over to you. This has to change, especially when the kids grow older. When my girls need help from me with their homework or assignment, I love to chip in, but I let them think for a while before they come running to me for answers. Those few critical minutes where they strive to fight their own fires will go a long way in preparing them for the future. Let them face the consequences. Be there for them, but not for every small task or mistake they do. This way, they will never learn how to rise again.

Try these tips and watch your kids become self-sufficient and independent but at the same time, have a very close-knit relationship with you. Share this with other parents and let them know about this important topic too.