Don’t Take Your Partner For Granted – Gopika Kapoor

Gopika Kapoor has been a part of Kidsstoppress for quite sometime and her articles have been trending in the most read articles. You will find her earlier articles here.

If you would like to request for specific topics then please do drop us an email at [email protected] or share it in the comments below or on Facebook or Twitter.

Gopika Kapoor, the author of well known books like Spiritual Parenting: Wisdom (and Wit) for Raising your Child in a Stress-free and Spiritual Environment, asks all the mommies to spend their time doing activities that they enjoy rather their following certain norms that restrict them to do so.

Do share your feedback in the comments below or on  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram

Today she writes her first part of the Article “Just Because We’re Parents”

A while ago, I wrote a column here titled ‘Because I’m Worth It’ about taking time out for yourself while parenting your child. Today’s column is an extension of that: taking time out to spend time with your husband/wife/partner/significant other.

As a therapist, writer, mom (to two children and 1 crazy dog), wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, friend, etc., my life is like one crazy circus, with me in the centre throwing a zillion balls up in the air; it’s a metaphor I’m sure a lot of you can relate to. And for a while, I tended to pay attention to almost all of those roles, but there was one I took for granted – being a partner – in the true sense – to my husband. I figured ‘he’s around, he’s not going anywhere’ – and slowly, without me realizing it, the connect between us started stretching and thinning like sticky toffee when it is pulled in opposite ends. Fortunately, I came to my senses in time and we were able to re-establish and renew our relationship so that it is better than before (touchwood!).

But like with everything else in life, there were lessons to be learned from this, and here’s what I learned:

Spending time with your partner doesn’t make you bad parents. A lot of parents (mostly mums, unfortunately!) tend to feel tremendously guilty if they leave their kids at home (even if it’s with safe and reliable help) while they go out with their partners. My question to them is: why? We all need a break, we all need adult conversation and we all need to teach our kids, and also ourselves that we have a life beyond them. Next time you’re faced with this situation, please leave the guilt behind as you shut your front door and go out and connect with your partner

By giving attention and showing the importance of your relationship, you are modelling healthy relationships for your kids. Just as we model appropriate behaviour, language and manners for our children, we also serve as role models for healthy, happy relationships. If our kids see us sticking to them, making them the focus of our lives and having only a perfunctory relationship with our partners, they may mirror this in their adult lives. On the other hand, those kids who see their parents spending time together and enjoying each others’ company are more likely to have stronger, healthier relationships of their own.

Those who focus solely on their children in the younger years and neglect their partners as a result, rarely have much to talk about in their old age. I have a friend who got married young and on becoming a mom, focused her entire life on her child, largely to the exclusion of her husband. This child was brought out to dinner, to holidays, to movies and went wherever the parents went, even sleeping between them at home. Now he’s all grown up and has his own life, while his mum sits at home twiddling her thumbs. Even worse, she’s totally disconnected from her husband. “I really have nothing to say to him,â€_x009d_ she told me mournfully. “I wish we’d spent some more time together when we were younger.â€_x009d_ But as Judi Dench (playing Queen Victoria in ‘Shakespeare in Love’) snarled, “Too late, too late.â€_x009d_

So if you’re a parent who lives only for your child and no one else, please listen and wisen up. Spend time with your partner and don’t make this mistake of making your child the sole focus of your life. Next time, we’ll talk about things you can do together and how to re-establish the connection between you.

But till, then, I’m off to dinner with my husband to renew our relationship and have some fun!