If you missed the Real Joy of Togetherness ad yesterday then you definitely must watch it before you go on to read this one. With managing a 6 year old who now has a mind of her own and wants to design and plan her day to a 2 year old who does not want to rebel but just explore and try everything around. I was just getting lost and wondering what am I doing that’s not working? A little bit of introspection helps. I realized that I was trying to nip that curiosity in the bud by saying no.
From the very beginning, the word “Noâ€_x009d_  seems to be a negative word.  If you say “Noâ€_x009d_, you are probably doing something wrong or shouldn’t even do it in the first place. And this we have been taught from the day we started walking. I went back in time when I was said ‘No’ for late nights, and out station trips with friends ( my parents were extremely cautious and not old fashioned) I wanted to rebel. I wanted to make a point and just do what I was asked not to.
But what we as moms are not told that this little word has to be used with pretty much everything your little one will do. And the consequence is tantrums and crying.
So instead of just saying “Noâ€_x009d_, why not reason or substitute it in a positive way.  Explain to your child what he’s doing wrong. Or say something that makes him understand how he shouldn’t do it. Consequence management is my latest mantra and it works like magic.
The whole idea of snatching and ruthlessly taking away is something the younger one detests. You have got to be patient and ask her to be responsible and put away. Pulling pushing and snatching leads to a child who will be hard to pacify.
For instance, your son is leaning over the window with your phone in his hand. And the first thing you yell is “Noâ€_x009d_. The child might get scared and drop the phone but what he won’t understand is that you are stopping him from leaning over. The impact of the word is completely opposite of what you were trying to say.
Instead if you would have used the word “Stopâ€_x009d_, he probably would have known that leaning towards the window was something he shouldn’t  have done. When your daughter wears your high heels, instead of “noâ€_x009d_ trying telling her how she might fall and hurt herself. Maybe you are walking past a toy store and your child pleads to go inside. Try talking to him about the toys he has at home and why he needs a new toy. Or reason with him that if he wants to buy a new one, he will have to give up one. He’ll realize that he isn’t ready to give up any yet. Or he needs to earn the bun. That’s how we do it.
Try using alternative words like “Maybe tomorrow or Later or Not Todayâ€_x009d_.  Reason and ask the child why, let them feel heard only or give them another choice. Just this morning I heard a kid ask her mom for a biscuit and the mom didn’t acknowledge that demand and then she had a tantrum to deal with it. I asked the kid if she can wait till after lunch and maybe a small biscuit was okay. The child felt like she was heard. With a high – five and a promise to eat a hearty lunch a tantrum was avoided. These will make it easier and less energizing for both, you and the child. It will help your child grow in a positive environment.
Use this negative word in a positive way and build an understanding with you kids
Honestly the kids don’t care much for the toy versus the ‘No’ that comes with it. The tantrums are a result of the rebellion. Distraction is yet another way of saying a no but with older kids that’s hard to get away with. The word ‘No’ in my mind just makes things a lot more desirable. The kids today just want to be independent and want to be heard. They want to be the decision makers. Empowering them will help them take decisions and understand the consequence of their acts.
Why not start today?
KSP Team
Amrita Samant
Parul Gupta
Janani S Koushik
