Learnings for a modern day parent from the Bangalore NPS Suicide Case

The internet is abuzz with the horror story about a 15 year old girl who thought it was easier to deal with death than be suspended from school over something as silly as being friends with a boy from her class and building. The city newspaper reported School action for `friendship’ with boy drives girl to suicide; NPS authorities allegedly called her mother at 3 pm on Monday to take back her kid. 

This isn’t the first time that the city schools have been in the news for cases of school children either being raped, molested or now committing suicide. Monali Mahala, is said to be a student of National Public School in HSR Layout.The family are natives of Orissa, and Monali was her parents’ only child.Her mother is a manager with a nationalised bank. After a heated argument with her mom she decided to take this extreme step. “Monali was earlier warned by the school authorities to restrict her alleged friendship with her classmate who also happens to live in the same apartment building. The principal saw the two of them together and threatened to suspend them. Monali jumped from her apartment on the 10th floor after locking herself in a room.

Before we decide whether its right/wrong or who is actually the one who killed this teenager here are a few facts that will be important to know.

1. Global Average Dating age according to this article in the Wall Street Journal is 12.9 years for on- time teenagers. 14.9 year for late bloomers and 10 – 12 years for the early bloomers. “Early starters reported twice as many acts of abnormal or delinquent behavior as on-time teens and late bloomers. Behaviors included lying and cheating, picking fights, truancy, disobedience and running away, says WSJ.

This raises a question in my head with the kind of exposure and times we are leading today what age is appropriate to date, have a ‘ friendship with the opposite sex?’ When do you expect children today to start dating if not in their teens?

2. India has just launched a Mental health awareness campaign and we had a Big Bollywood celebrity just share her case of depression and anxiety. This is all in light of India being a country with highest amount of suicides in the world.  According to the World Health Organization, young Indians are most vulnerable to suicide, with 35.5 deaths per 100,000 among those between 15 and 29 years of age. There are factors and sub factors that lead to a suicide.

3. Psychologists suggest that ‘suicide is not a spur of the moment action. It has gone through the person’s head a couple of times.’ Michel Antis in his article says: “This idea has intuitive appeal.  We’ve seen it in television and the movies – an individual was going along fine until something awful happened and, because in that moment they saw no other escape, they took their own life.  This decision is portrayed as something that had not occurred to the individual until that moment, as though it suddenly dawned on them that this opportunity existed, that an answer had been revealed.”

4. This is not the first time that we have seen teenagers committing suicide due. It brings me back to this article about are we communicating enough with our children and sharing our emotions with our children?

It brings me to certain thoughts that could have perhaps saved this life and maybe a few more:

1. We cannot afford to penalize our kids or pin them against a wall. It is time parents try and understand their children.

2. Let them taste failure and disappointment: It is cited as one of the biggest causes of suicides and depression. They cant seem to handle the situation and thought suicide was an easier option

3. In today’s times 15 years is an age where boys and girls are bound to be attracted to each other as they attain puberty much earlier. Are we ready to accept that?

4. You need to be part of their inner circle. Someone who they can trust and speak their minds too. Suspending, shouting at them isolates them and I think we need to respect our child’s mind.

The Twitterverse today also had their point of view and here are a few opinions.

Here is what people had to say about the case:

Image Source: stgeorgecounsellor