This Indian Mom Broke The Co-Sleeping Habit And Reclaimed Her Nights In 5 Simple Steps

Ok, I will admit it, I made a mistake. When my child was born, I knew the moment I held him that I wouldn’t let him out of my sight for a single moment. I wanted him around me all the time. I carried him through the day and let him sleep in our bed at night. Did I foresee a horrible co-sleeping habit forming? Umm…let’s just say I chose to ignore it. But three years down the line, I was ready to reclaim my nights. My son was getting a little big for our bed, and kicked us mercilessly in his sleep and we were just waking up tired. Every. Single. Day.

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Of course there were other reasons other than maternal love that kept him in our bed. The biggest being it was the most practical. We live in Mumbai and just don’t have the luxury of having a room specifically for the baby. No we did not plan and create the perfect nursery. We just moved our pillows a little away from each other so our son could sleep in the middle. Also Indian doctors advise you to keep your baby close to you at night, so it promotes the production of milk. So I took them up on their advice and held him close at night. Once he turned a year old, we would read in bed together and getting him to fall asleep was so much easier when he was being held and comforted. So to avoid night time sleep battles, I would let him fall asleep in our bed.

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Sigh, yes I did all that. But three years down the line I took steps and today I can say my son is no longer in our bed. He has been successfully transitioned out! Here is how I did it.

Step One: Talk to your child

If your child is at an age where they understand what you are saying and why you are saying it, then introduce the topic of them sleeping alone or in their own bed casually in conversation. Tell them about stories from when you were young and had your own bed/room and how much you enjoyed it. The sense of being independent, you can do what you want, decorate your room the way you want. Yes, shamelessly talk it up. You could even read books about characters who have their own rooms.

Step Two: Let your child set the timeline

Once you have your child reasonably convinced swing into action instantly by planning their own ‘big boy room’ with them or if they are moving to their own bed in the same room then seek their help about moving around furniture to make place for the bed. Involve him in every last detail. I even asked my son to pick out his own bed linen and he was so excited to go with his favourite cartoon characters. You could personalise their space by hanging their name above the bed/room, decorating it with personal knick-knacks. Just understand, there is no limit here.

Step Three: Be consistent, expect failure

Explain to your child that you are just a call away. Expect them to come and crawl into your bed, or cry for you to come, or emotionally get you to abandon the plan forever. Stay strong! Expect to look for monsters under the bed, scary noises behind the curtain etc, etc. Make a plan or have an answer ready for everything. Assure them you are right there in the next room. Comfort your child and leave. This exercise may take upwards of three weeks.

Step Four: Make sure your spouse is on board

Formulate a plan and make sure your spouse knows it too. There is no place for a weak link here! If your spouse happens to wake up at 4 am to attend to the child, then let them not bring the baby back to bed.

Step Five: Make sure your child doesn’t need you to sleep

If you have in laws or family staying close by, try and let your child fall asleep with them just so they understand they are safe with family and can fall asleep on another bed if they want to. Also encourage your child to choose a blanket, or a stuffed toy or something they want to keep by their bedside when they fall asleep.

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