Why Building Connections Is Essential For Effective Parenting

“What do we do when our hearts hurt?” asked the boy. “We wrap them with friendship, shared tears and time, till they wake hopeful and happy again.”– Charlie Macksey

Such is the power of human connection.

Ubuntu: An African Concept- “I Am Because Of You”

The old and most beautiful African concept Ubuntu is translated as “human kindness”. It means “I am because of you” and it embodies the ideas of connection, community and caring for all. (I am, because of you: Further reading on Ubuntu | TED Blog). It suggests that people need people to thrive and simply survive. And is there anything more profound than this?

We connect with different people in different ways – mother to another, friend to friend, parent to child, between colleagues and so on. Human beings are born wired for connection and with an infinite capacity to love. Somewhere along the way our experiences shape us and our connections are either heightened or weakened. However, a 2018 Thrive Global article very simply explained why humans need to strengthen connections – for our overall mental and physical wellbeing (Why Humans Need Connection – Thrive Global).

This has never been made more evident than in the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic.

I am a relatively content and peaceful mother. When I say peaceful, I don’t mean that I never raise my voice at my 8.5 and 6 year old boys, or that I have the unrealistic ability to stay calm when sometimes my buttons are being pushed every single minute of the day. I strongly believe that children are not manipulative and have their very valid reasons for behaving a certain way. Over time, I have come to understand what coping strategies are the most effective for me. At my most difficult moments, I do not turn to parenting articles and books that advocate parental self-control and logical thinking in the thick of a child’s meltdown. I don’t indulge in self-pity and guilt wondering why I am not able to hug my child tightly while he is busy huffing & puffing and complaining under his breath.

Surround Yourself With The Right People:

I reach out to my closest and most trusted friends. I surround myself with those who lift me up.

In many ways, the peak pandemic years made me a more paranoid and fearful mother, but also an understanding one. It was also during this time that the realisation of how crucial human connection was, hit with me unrelenting force. Even though the connections were made and conversations took place through Facetime and various other video chats with friends, they got me through the lockdown. We were able to vent about our children who were experiencing changes they never imagined in their wildest dreams that they would. We listened to different perspectives and exchanged tools on how to manage life during lockdown. Families near and far were being ripped apart and it was heart-warming to see so many people come together to give, and help in some form. Gratitude took a whole new form, as I know I wasn’t the only one who watched their kids sleeping at night.

We could feel the sometimes-invisible human connection being deepened.

Parenting is exhilarating. Love and happiness take on a whole new meaning.  The memory of life before becoming a mother feels like a distant memory, and I struggle to remember so many tiny details. I look at both my boys and I cannot imagine life without them. But at times, being a mother can also sometimes be a very lonely journey… if we let it.

Human Connections:

There are moments when I feel completely disillusioned, disappointed, misunderstood and unbelievably frightened. Treading murky waters is a part of being a mother but navigating them can be much easier when we allow ourselves to lean on others and let them help us. Sometimes baring our souls to people within our trusted circle can be exactly the kind of connection we need to help us grow.  Chances are that they have or currently are going through similar experiences, and their words help deepen the connection even further.

Motherhood in a nutshell is life-changing. There are highs and lows, twists and turns at every step. And my experiences have taught me that changes of this magnitude are managed more easily with people by your side. It helps to connect with others around you who are maybe going through similar experiences. They may not even be parents themselves, but are people who have left their ears and hearts open, ready to be a sounding board. The process of introspection and then sharing your innermost and deepest thoughts is extremely cathartic. There is an energy that is formed and continues to exist between people when they feel seen, heard and valued. We widen the circle of strength and compassion.

In the end, we’re all connected and always will be.