Papagoya On The Ritual of Food We Need To Teach Our Kids

Children often have a complicated relationship with food. It can range from pure love to absolute disgust. Some days their reaction is all sensorial – the “This is too gooey to eat.â€_x009d_ Other days it can be about testing the adult – “I am going to store this bite in the corner of my mouth and not chew.â€_x009d_ And still, other days could be the hunger strike – “I am going to win this staring contest with my food.â€_x009d_

Meal times are tricky for most parents, and we find that we often are willing to make all kinds of allowances in order to ensure some/any food reaches a child’s stomach. So out come the iPads, the chocolate bribes, the boogey-man threats, the starving children in Ethiopia stories. We so often become strange versions of ourselves when it is our child’s meal time.

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So let’s take a step back and think about a few things.

Firstly, as adult caregivers, we need to come to expect that children will not always eat the way we expect them to, and so there is little to no need for alarm or angst. Children go through phases where they eat more, and then eat less, love one dish and then hate it in the same week. As they discover different flavours, tastes and textures; and as they go through growth spurts –  their food journeys are meant to be temperamental, and that is perfectly normal.

Secondly, we all inherently know that children will never allow themselves to starve. So just throw that fear in all its forms, out of the window. If healthy children skip a meal or two, it is more likely that they will gobble up the third meal with full gusto. And there is nothing wrong with that. Back when we were cave people, we only ate when there was food available, and so our bodies have an excellent storage mechanism that doesn’t always need 2-3 hour replenishment. So don’t stress if your child refuses a meal, they will make it up sooner than later.

However, if this continues for a while, and you notice other symptoms – seek medical advice for digestive issues, allergies, food intolerances. Once these are ruled out or dealt with, go back to treating meal time as just another part of a child’s daily routine.

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Thirdly, meal time should always be a relaxing, enjoyable, peaceful and comfortable experience for the child and the caregiver. Eating should not become a power struggle between adult and child. Like with all other experiences, parents/caregivers need to control their anticipation and dread and instead focus on staying calm and appearing confident. At meal times, be mindful to not project your anxiety onto your child, as children are highly perceptive and cannot always eat when pressured.

Eating is an area that children should control. The first years of a child’s life are the best time to establish healthy eating habits, and so allowing children to self-regulate and identify when they are hungry or not when they are thirsty or not – is a skill that even the youngest can very easily learn.

Children can very easily be in-charge of their appetites. At Papagoya, we have a standard first serving that is placed on a child’s plate when they sit down for a meal. It is just enough for a basic fill, but not too much to overwhelm them. As their appetites improve, they find ways to signal for more and as they grow older are encouraged to serve themselves second and third helpings. We have a few non-negotiable meal time rules:

-       Everyone eats together (adults and children alike) at the table, and we are always seated when we eat

-       We always finish what is on our plates or in our bowls

-       We do not throw food

-       We do not cry at the dining table and need to leave the room with an adult and calm down and then return to finish our meal

New kids who join us spend a couple of weeks figuring out our mealtime practices, but soon fall in line and eat by themselves and with full gusto.

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As a parent/caregiver, focus on how much and how to provide the best nutrition to your child, and this will automatically foster healthy eating behaviours, preventing eating disorders, childhood obesity and even emotional eating. Easier said than done? Here are some ways how:

1. Children need to sit down for all meals with just their plate/bowl of food. Running behind a child and feeding them should not even be a practice. Ipads and toys stay out of the dining area. Talk to the child instead – about the food on their plate/bowl, where it came from, what happens when they eat, etc. Try and have your own meal with them, to demonstrate how meals are consumed and show them table manners.
2. A hungry child will gladly chomp down their food, so allow them to get hungry. Encourage activities that promote movement and expending of energy.
3. Do not force feed children, instead allow them to learn how to self-regulate. Make meals available at fixed times during the day, and serve a basic portion. And then allow them to ask for more. Encourage children to eat on their own – even 13-month olds can.
4. Keep meals simple. Choice isn’t always a good thing for a child and often causes more confusion than clarity. Prepare basic, healthy meals and present it to them in interesting ways. Children are not born fussy-eaters, we make them that way. Gradually introduce flavours and textures and tastes and help them develop a diverse palate.
5. Watch for signals that your child is soon done with his/her food – slow chewing, playing with the food, throwing food. Then immediately take away their plate/bowl and restate your mealtime rules. Be careful to not time meals too close to naps/bedtime.
6. Rewarding or soothing children with food can create dependencies. So watch out. Do not give children the impression that eating a lot or eating well is a source of celebration, or that eating too little is disappointing. Stay neutral.

Try not to overemphasize the ritual of food with children. Meal times are an opportunity to encourage focus and concentration. So keep activities separate from food. When eating, the main focus has to be on the meal. Do not distract, do not cajole, do not scold. Your goal should be to get children to participate in the eating experience and create accountability for their eating habits.

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